i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Randomize
