The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Randomize
