i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
