I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Man, jail baloney is awful.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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