Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
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