Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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