So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
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