We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
