areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
This toilet bowl is my home.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
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