can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
