After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
