I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Randomize
