Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
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