So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
