i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
is wine microwaveable?
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
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