so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
