i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Randomize
