she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Randomize
