That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
I should be sponsored by Trojan
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
