why didn't you poke me back
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Randomize
