we're chasing vodka with high fives
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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