hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
