thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
The convent might be a nice break from real life
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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