I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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