Kareoke will never be a sober sport
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
two words...techno handjob
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize