I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Randomize
