take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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