nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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