Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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