I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
