i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
