Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
