party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
you will always have a special place in my vag
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
