I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
