I smell stomach acid.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize
