You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
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