Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
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