Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
