i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
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