I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Randomize
