White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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