so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
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