I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
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