Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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