Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
