I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
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