I heard we made out
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
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