We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
