Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Randomize
