dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Randomize
