A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
