i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
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