Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
