I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
