Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
