My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Randomize
