We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
