Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(250): View more from British Columbia

i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.

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(708): View more from Illinois

she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.

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(202): View more from Washington, DC

no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow

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(412): View more from Pennsylvania

She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.

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(513): View more from Ohio

This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads

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(708): View more from Illinois

You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.

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(248): View more from Michigan

I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.

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(913): View more from Kansas

Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?

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(402): View more from Nebraska

Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.

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