You really coming over, don't trick.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
