I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
