Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
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