Everything about him screamed your future.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Randomize
