My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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