32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize