Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
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