names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize