I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Randomize
