Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
