theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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