The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Randomize
